If I were to express myself, I would go nameless. I can put shame into the farthest corner of my eye where it receives the tiniest attention I can give. I can freely stir up my emotions and let my opinions battle with my consciousness without worrying at all. I am a very vulnerable, introvert person. It may not be too obvious because I have lots of extra-curricular, I joined a lot of clubs and became once a President of our department at my school. But the truth is, I am very lonely deep inside and there is no one I can share my loneliness with. My only ears to my every opinions, emotions, heartaches, sorrow and even joy is my mind. I fear that people even how good my point is, will still judge me because of the image they have created of me before. I have many friends but I don’t trust any of them. When it is true that you cannot be trusted if you don’t trust, it is also true that when you trust, there will always be a possibility of back stabbing you. And I’m sticking to that chance even how small it is because when in doubt, I always say no but that doesn’t mean I don’t take risks. Sometimes, you just need to choose what are worth risking.
If I were to judge myself, I would definitely not put my name close to an angel. These traits I own might be out of my selfishness and my devotion to my reputation. Well it maybe true that I am selfish, but who isn’t? All of us humans are selfish in different things. But oh, how unreasonable! I have just thought that maybe I am putting an excuse to my bad act, making the majority as a means to make myself look and feel good. You are free to judge me for all I care. I have lots to say to every opinions from every people. Now that I think of it, I definitely must have too many enemies if I didn’t sew my mouth shut.
It’s quite frustrating actually when your words are stuck on the tip of your tongue and you cannot help it but to hold it there until it becomes a part of your short-term memory and disappears forever. I have tried lots of mediums just to express myself. Diaries, talking to a flower, name it. Nothing works on me. So I’m trying this one. It’s like a diary but with readers with feedbacks. I think people here can help me be myself.
As I let the world unfold me, let me start here. Who knows? Maybe I could also unfold myself to my real world some time at the right time whenever I’m ready. You don’t want to miss changing my screen name to my true name someday. So help me blog.